Time to Refresh

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We arrived with the scale and contract in hand. I encountered slight resistance when viewing the results: "Don’t you trust me?” I did not have to remind her that of course we trust her, but not ED. We are reassured when we learn that there has been no change after 2-weeks of cooking for herself, without access to a cafeteria, and class regularly scheduled over lunchtime. What? Don’t most people eat around the middle of the day? How serendipitous for ED. No time to eat? A perfect excuse to skip a meal.

ED is still lurking. He seems a little closer these past few days – offering comfort during the difficult times that arise from normal college life. Lauren manages to resist his charm. His efforts to derail recovery fail.

Class is over - it’s time to come home. Her 4-week trip to Spain is around the corner – a language study program with homestay (yes, 3 meals a day provided!). There will be challenges – change of culture, schedule, food, and friends. These will provide opportunities for ED, but we believe Lauren is ready. It is normal for ED thoughts to linger after weight restoration. How long will it take for ED to be completely annihilated? We don’t know, but food remains her best medicine while she continues to heal. Judging by the past few weeks, she is further along on her journey and closer to the day when she will be totally free of the beast.

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.

Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.”

~ Author unknown ~

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Back to College

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A new beginning. Lauren heads off to college for just over three weeks to take a course titled, "Feelings that Matter” (therapy bonus!). Conditions are far from ideal. The cafeteria is closed for 10-days, as is the clinic. Surely these are grounds to revoke the agreement for returning to college? We wonder if we are asking too much. Is she ready? Two weeks go by and she’s shopping, cooking, AND eating. Life is golden. She has energy to hike with friends, cycle around campus, and sample free yoga classes. Is ED gone? It seems too good to be true.

Suddenly, Lauren notices she is reading food labels, focusing on exercise, and feeling anxious. However, unlike before, she does not act. There is no restricting but the thoughts create fear and mental anguish. She recognizes ED trying to penetrate and regain control. “Why now?” We search for answers and conclude that there is no explanation. This is the nature of an insidious beast that catches victims off guard, causing them to self-destruct thereby defying our basic human instinct to survive.

As was originally planned, we are driving up tomorrow to visit her. How will she be? We are the wall that protected her at home for 5-months – impenetrable and unrelenting in our pursuit to re-nourish, and offer support. Does she have the fortitude to endure the next phase of her recovery journey – alone?

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